Now We all Know Why Maxim Lapierre Rarely Fights

For the record, Montreal Canadiens forward Maxim Lapierre has been in 11 fights over his five-plus years in the NHL. That would make his fights less frequent than phone calls home from a deadbeat dad, making sure to check in on his kids every so often. Are we saying that Lapierre is worse than a beer-swilling, welfare-cheque-cashing loser that doesn't know right from wrong enough to drop in and see his kids beyond the pre-requisite visits on Christmas and birthdays? As much as we'd like to in light of all the chirping he does, the fact of the matter is he fought Philadelphia Flyer Darroll Powe in an effort to stick up for his fallen teammate in Jeff Halpern, who got checked hard into the boards just before. Of course, the key word there is "effort" as in try, as in failed... miserably. Baby steps, though. Maybe next time he'll even land a punch.

Remember that Brad Richards Trade to the Stars a Few Years ago? How's it Working out for the Lightning?

Not so hot, considering Jussi Jokinen no longer plays for Tampa Bay, ditto for Jeff Halpern, and goalie Mike Smith will likely be relegated to a back-up role before this season is all said and done (a .869 save perecentage and a 3.63 goals-against average through nine games will do that... or buy you a one-way ticket to the ECHL where you just might end up being good enough to become a goaltending coach to teach your charges what not to do in order to actually make it).

In any case, like I need to say it, that trade worked out pretty well for the Stars (who also gave up a fourth-round pick; no word yet on whether Kyle Bigos will turn out to be the superstar that will make the Stars regret the day they ever tangled with Oren Koules). Richards? He now has 50 goals and 121 assists in 164 games with Dallas. That includes his 200th career goal, which came last night against the Anaheim Ducks.

So, why bring up the trade now? Well, Richards's career milestone aside, now's as good a time as any to bring up the fact that he's due to become a free agent next off-season. With the team's ownership situation pretty up in the air (remind you of any one team in particular?), the Stars should probably look into not making the same mistakes the Lightning did way back when, i.e.

1) Not treating your team like you're in a fantasy league

2) Not give out big-money contracts like the world is ending and it won't even matter in a few years anyway.

3) And, mainly, not trading away your actual best player for nothing more than a few temporary band-aids to cover up your own incompetence.

I guess another reason to bring up the trade two-and-a-half years later: it's always cool to slam the Lightning and their past troubles, especially when it looks like the organization is on its way up again. Okay, maybe not, but Koules and Len Barrie were just that bad as owners.

Well, At least He’s Better than Mike Milbury... but, hey, Isn't Everyone?

The before: "He told me that if I didn't become gm he would beat me up. Wouldn't you take him seriously???"

Goaltender Garth Snow arguably had one good year in the NHL. It’s ironic on so many levels that it was his first as a general manager.

Snow was actually named the NHL’s Executive of the Year by Sports Illustrated in 2006-2007, a season that saw the Islanders get into the playoffs by the skin of their teeth, but get in all the same, thanks in part to several moves made by Snow.

For example, he traded for Richard Zednik and even acquired Ryan Smyth in that infamous deal that saw the Edmonton Oilers acquire Ryan O’Marra, Robert Nilsson, and a first-round pick in 2007. Nilsson was bought out this summer and O’Marra has yet to make good on all the hype that projects him to be a third-liner at best in the NHL (oh, but what a third-liner!). Even signing Rick DiPietro to that insane 15-year deal at the start of the season seemed like it had worked out, with the goalie posting a solid 32-19-9 record that year.

Add in the acquisitions of Viktor Kozlov (before he realized the KHL was where “it” was at; no word yet on what “it” is... possibly rampant prostitution and corruption), Richard Park (the heart of Seoul), and Mike Dunham (clearly to take over Snow’s place as the team’s go-to, over-the-hill benchwarmer... until Wade Dubielewicz replaced him as the team’s token journeyman back-up) and Snow actually turned that team into a legitimate (playoff) contender that was able to sneak into the post-season with a shootout victory over the New Jersey Devils. 

Granted the Islanders had a 2-0 lead late in the third period in that game, gave up the game-tying goal with one second left, but that was when the Devils were actually good, you see. All in all, it was an impressive feat... that is, until they ran into the Buffalo Sabres in the first round and promptly packed their bags en route to three seasons of futility.

Add in the concussion DiPietro suffered with a handful of games left in the regular season that year (before returning for game two of the first-round series), which triggered the wave of injuries that would soon define his career, and all the success Snow enjoyed that year was all for naught. But it was the decision to fire Ted Nolan as head coach back in 2008 and hire Scott Gordon that brings it all full-circle.

Nolan may not have been hired by Snow, but Snow did hand him his walking papers when the two reportedly got into a disagreement over the direction of the team. Nolan wanted to try to win then, while Snow wanted him to give more ice time to the team’s younger players, prompting Snow to reach out to Gordon.

Fast forward two years later and Gordon, whose team is mired in a 10-game losing streak, has gotten the axe as well, for, one has to assume, doing what he was told in the first place: try to develop the team’s young talent.

It really isn’t his fault the team is a few years away from competing. It’s not his fault the team’s best defenseman in Mark Streit got injured before the start of the year, and that Kyle Okposo, one of the team’s best goal scorers, followed suit right after that. It’s also not his fault that the team’s defensive corps is made up of a bunch of AHLers, with the exception of James Wisniewski, who sometimes does act like he is in the AHL (we’ll also give you Mark Eaton and Radek Martinek, but that’s it). It’s certainly not his fault that the goaltending tandem of which he was made the beneficiary comprises one guy who has 911 on his speed dial for injury concerns and another who does in case his aging heart gives out.

The Islanders, when one sums it up, are a bad team. They have promise, but they are bad right now. No coach will fix that... unless you manage to hire a witch or wizard of something, but how realistic is that? Halloween has passed and few are readily available. And, unless Jack Capuano has some deep dark secret and a cauldron in his basement, his hiring will only lead to more failure.

Snow has made a few good moves this season, picking up Michael Grabner off waivers, for instance, and even prying Wisniewski away from the Anaheim Ducks for a mere third-round pick (which does lead one to believe magic of some sort was involved somehow), but it’s his axing of Gordon that is front and center, and so it should be. Snow hired him and, with his departure, Snow just looks like a huge hypocrite.

  

The after: "Four years??? It feels like 40!!!"

It’s hard to tell how much of what Snow actually does is ordered from eccentric owner Charles Wang, but more and more it’s Snow that is seen as the face of the organization, especially with it sinking into more and more dysfunction. Anyone can draft John Tavares, but few can build a team around him. The last time I checked, that was the gm’s department and not the coach’s.

Mike Richards: Philadelphia Flyer or Specially Trained Penalty-Killing Machine?

Probably lost in all the drama on Monday, hell, probably lost in all the other goals being scored against the Ottawa Senators (5-1 losers), Philadelphia Flyers captain Mike Richards hit a notable career milestone by passing Rick MacLeish as the fifth-most-prolific shorthanded-goal scorer in Flyers history. Considering Richards is only 25 and he's scored 22, it's quite an accomplishment and makes it all the more likely he will eventually pass Bobby Clarke for the team record of 32. As for catching Wayne Gretzky, who has 73, Richards still has a ways to go.

Still, it's clear that Richards has discovered the three-pronged key to success when it comes to scoring shorties:

Trick #1: Have mad skills.

Trick #2: Lull your opponent into a false sense of security by having a teammate take a stupid penalty. It helps if you have a stupid teammate, like Daniel Carcillo, on your side for this one. Carcillo injured his knee, checking the boards last night, by the way.

Trick #3: Maneuver yourself in such a way to be drafted into the same division as the New York Islanders.

The rest is just luck.

The Hit that Epitomizes the Devils' Season so far: the Whole Team Has Been Turned Ass-Backwards

Here's the story of two different teams. Meet the New Jersey Devils: Too small, too slow, too easy to push around, blessed with scoring forwards that can't score, and crippled by the contract of a would-be superstar that has essentially kept them from playing their game. Meet the Boston Bruins: their over-the-hill, overpaid goalie is outplaying every other one in the league, including the Devils', they've got four lines they can roll out like it's nobody's business, their best player isn't even healthy, along with one other top-six forward, and, oh, yeah, their insurance policy in their back pocket for those times something doesn't go their way: they've got the seemingly nepotic and overzealous (let's not forget foul-mouthed) senior vice president's son on their roster. Are we all acquainted? Good. Now, Mattias Tedenby, meet Mark Stuart. Play nice, you two.

To Be a Goal or not to Be a Goal: Video Replay Nearly Disallows Two Goals on Same Shift in Sharks-Kings Game

A crazy couple of minutes at the HP Pavilion on Monday night saw the San Jose Sharks take a 4-1 lead in the second period when Torrey Mitchell scored, cleanly beating goalie Jonathan Bernier; the only problem: Devin Setoguchi had possibly scored a goal a few moments earlier; the only problem there: Los Angeles King Ryan Smyth had possibly scored just before... all on the same whistle! Gotta love the NHL and the new motto it's apparently rolled out to promote its efficient use of video replays: "Video replays: Because being there live just isn't good enough anymore." It would explain the low attendance across the board.

Before you judge, know that it does beat out the other proposed slogan for the league as a whole: "The NHL: Colin Campbell's personal playhouse"... I don't think that story will ever get old.

In any case, Smyth's goal counted, but it was all for nought, with the Sharks taking the game 6-3. In some circles, they could probably argue that the score could have been 8-2... "San Jose: True dynasties dominate in the regular season and don't get hung up on the small things, like actually winning championships." That last one could probably use some work.

Marky Markov and the Habs' Funky Short-on-Defensemen Situation

Everything was going so right for the Montreal Canadiens... the team was winning, Scott Gomez finally put himself on pace for a seven-goal season, and even everyone’s favourite whipping boy in Carey Price was stringing together a few performances worthy of the NHL’s first star of the week (which he got awarded on Monday). And then this.

Now comes news that Andrei Markov will be out anywhere from one game to three months to the end of time, which, if you haven’t seen the movie, is apparently in just two years’ time (and the Toronto Maple Leafs were sooo close to winning it all again!).

Now, Markov hasn’t been the team’s best defenseman in a good, long while (that distinction probably belongs to Josh Gorges), especially with the recent rash of lower-body injuries, but he is its most talented, and to lose him for three months would be a huge blow to a team that has gotten a lot of heads shaking so far this year (shaking as if saying: “No. NO! There’s no way in hell this run of luck will continue all-season long for this team of dwarves! There’s just no way!”).

However many non-believers are shaking their heads, the Habs have found themselves in a very difficult predicament. I’m not going to get into how they traded away Ryan O’Byrne last week, because let’s face it: implying O’Byrne could come in cold and even carry Markov’s jock is like saying Brent Gretzky could have put on his brother’s jersey way back when and no one would have been able to tell the difference. O’Byrne’s size (6’5”, 234 pounds) is not a factor, because the two are very different players. One is a good all-around defenseman, unfortunately entering the twilight of his career a few years too early, while the other is barely worth the amount of money it takes to put his name on the back of a jersey.

As such, rumours have been swirling that the Habs are in the market for Vancouver Canucks defenseman Kevin Bieksa. While I would have been the first to discredit these rumours last week with the Habs boasting an unflashy, but solid top-six, I will also be one of the first to admit that things have changed drastically. So, the Canadiens are in a position where they need a defenseman, any defenseman... sorry, any capable defenseman (to exclude O’Byrne), to take Markov’s place, and if Bieksa is that guy (not even close, but for the sake of the argument let’s assume he is), so be it.

It’s no secret that the Canucks have a surplus of defenseman with an otherwise top-pairing guy like Keith Ballard being a healthy scratch last week (ironically against Montreal). Of course, Ballard hasn’t been good enough thanks to recent surgery and will reportedly sit again tonight for the fourth-straight game on Monday. This again changes things, with the Canucks perhaps no longer willing to let Bieksa go.

If that is the case, other possible avenues are in short supply, with Marc-Andre Bergeron representing the most viable option, with him having signed last year for $750,000 and the Habs now having over $1.5 million in cap space. Of course, this is a less-than-ideal scenario with Bergeron being a one-trick pony that has been so ineffective at selling his services on the street corner that he probably couldn’t give it away at this point. But it is something. And then there’s Mathieu Schneider, who at this point is like Bergeron but with even less mobility... clearly a free-agent purchase aimed towards the fickle consumer in your life who has a fetish for golden-agers... and not the Habs, who are searching for a way to replace arguably their best player.

"It's alright dude (patting him on head). You'll get one soon."

So, where does that leave the Habs? Either putting their season squarely on the shoulders of Carey Price, which is a bad idea, or making an ill-advised trade with the Edmonton Oilers for Sheldon Souray, which is a worse bad idea. But, as for the salary going the other way, I do hear Gomez will still probably end up with fewer goals this season than the injured AHLer. Bottom line: I wouldn’t want to be Pierre Gauthier right now (but, really, when have I ever?). Good luck, dude.