Gionta a Fine English-Speaking Choice for Habs’ Captain

Wherever she is, either at home or somewhere in the world spewing her gospel of hatred for all things English-speaking, Parti Quebecois leader Pauline Marois is most certainly not a happy camper.

That she represents a Canadian political party that can’t even win in its namesake province is bad enough. But, now, it’s become readily apparent that no one is even taking her party’s crusade against the Montreal Canadiens seriously. You can’t make this stuff up.

On Thursday, it was reported that the Montreal Canadiens were set to name diminutive American forward Brian Gionta as the team’s 28^th captain. If the rumours are correct, he would become just the second American to be named captain in team history, with the recently retired Chris Chelios being the first.

"Of course! Hockey! That's the one that's played on ice, right?"

Seeing as the PQ, which stands for Quebec’s sovereignty and the preservation of the French language, has recently taken it upon itself to attack the Habs’ policies and general lack of French-speaking players on the roster, the naming of an anglophone, let alone an American one, as captain would serve as a stake through the heart of any supercilious point the PQ may have.

Gionta??? Over leaders such as Mathieu “130 NHL Games to My Name” Darche, “Mad to the Point of Never Dropping My Gloves” Maxim Lapierre, and Benoit “I Was Actually a Top-Five Pick(?)” Pouliot, who has somehow found himself forever playing in the shadow of Guillaume Friggin’ Latendresse??? Sacrilege!

If only the Habs had jumped at the opportunity to trade the team’s entire farm system to the Tampa Bay Lightning for its captain, Vincent Lecavalier, his overbearing 10-year contract, and his play-limiting injury problems. Then we wouldn’t be having this conversation. We’d instead be asking why we traded such fine local products as the highly touted Louis Leblanc for damaged goods. When there were only two francophone players, including Lecavalier, in the top 30 scorers of the league last year, the Habs’ options are limited to say the least. What are they going to do? Fill their team with plugs and lose each and every year? Best to save the hockey decisions to the people that know about hockey, PQ.

While the PQ’s conspiracy theory is par for their nationally irrelevant course and makes for at least a few good laughs in these dire, economically uncertain times (which should serve as reason enough for them to revisit their platform just a tiny bit), the truth of the matter is that Gionta is fit to be captain of the moribund franchise. That isn’t meant to be a slight to him, just give the proper context to the situation. While the team made it to the third round of the playoffs last spring, the Habs are not contenders. After a full season in which the captaincy was left vacant following Saku Koivu’s departure, it’s high time that someone fill the open spot, and there are few better candidates than Gionta:

1)      Andrei Markov is the longest-serving Hab, but he tends to lead more by quiet example and shy away from things like full seasons of play, full heads of hair, and actual conversation. That and he’s from Russia. And, clearly, a Commie wearing a “C” and a primarily red uniform is something best reserved for the science-fiction genre.

2)      A much more intimidating presence than Markov, Hal Gill willingly sacrificed his body time again during the Habs’ playoff run, blocking shot after shot. Still, at 6’7”, whenever he would be talking to players, he’d actually be talking down to them. No one needs that level of condescension, especially from a career third-pairing defenseman.

3)      Among defensemen, Josh Gorges was always a much more likely option due to his only being 6’1”, his actually posting a positive +/- rating last year (Gill was -10), and the fact that he is still young at 26. Still, it would be nice for your captain to be able to tell the team to get a few quick goals given a deficit and actually possess the ability to find the net himself. Even if he were to be provided a map, compass, and one or two Sherpas on loan, Gorges’s eight career goals do not inspire confidence.

4)      Mike Cammalleri was the fan’s choice to become captain, primarily due to his ability to find the back of the net. His motives as a Torontonian for deciding to play for the Habs last summer have to come into question, though. A spy? Maybe that’s Marois talking.

"Hey, Brian, remember our deal: Whoever gets the"C" has to make the other finance minister in the new unlingual Canada."

All in all, Gionta best epitomizes the Habs and what they stand for: yes, a lack of size, but also skill, drive, and, above all else, heart. He may not speak French, but the only language that should matter when it comes to the Canadiens is hockey. In that, I’m told he’s especially fluent. I’d be surprised if Marois or anyone else of consequence in the PQ was as well. Following hockey is hard enough when you don’t have your hands full planning Quebec’s yet-to-be-scheduled independence party. The PQ likely has other things to worry about... that it should be worrying about, rather.