... And on the First Night of Hanukkah the Florida Panthers Gave to Me...

I think the Florida Panthers are taking this whole stereotype of Jewish people migrating down South to retire a little too far... I mean it's not like droves of Jews are showing up to their games, let alone anyone else. In any case, the Panthers will be celebrating the Jewish festival of goal lights, apparently, next Tuesday in a game against the Colorado Avalanche by giving away, wait for it, wait for it... kippahs!

The first night of Hanukkah was last, so eight candles later would bring us to Wednesday, making it pretty evident that someone in Florida can at least do some basic addition despite the gaping hole in logic that seems to befall the entire organization as a whole. Does anyone there really think that people are going to show up to a Panthers game because they can pick up a kippah, the top of which will be graced with the team's logo? If so, they probably don't realize the true meaning behind the glorified tea cozy (director Guy Ritchie's words, not mine). Jews wear kippahs to remind themselves that God is above them. Having the Panthers logo on top of one kind of sends the wrong message, not because it's as if to say the Panthers are gods (I don't think anyone would think that... EVER), but because it's incredibly cheesy.

Anyway, what's doubly confusing about this whole giveaway is that the Panthers don't exactly have any Jewish players on the team to properly leverage the promotion. A simple google search would reveal just a handful of Jews in the NHL: The Montreal Canadiens' Mike Cammalleri and Jeff Halpern, Chicago Blackhawk Marty Turco, the Minnesota Wild's Eric Nystrom, Vancouver Canuck Tanner Glass (maybe), Toronto Maple Leaf Mike "Not Dustin" Brown, and, of course, the Swedish contingent of Dallas Star Nicklas Grossman, New Jersey Devil Johan Hedberg, and Detroit Red Wing Henrik Zetterberg. Just kidding about those last two, but Grossman is Jewish according to reports. Of course, come to think of it, Cory Stillman might be, along with superheroes Superman, Batman, Spider-Man, etc.

Not that the Panthers should have felt obliged to give away anything for the holidays, but kippahs do beat gelt. The team does admittedly need every gold-covered chocolate cent it can spare, unless this whole gimmick is just its way of reaching out to commissioner Gary Bettman, which would explain a lot. He's been due for retirement for the past 17 years.

Happy Hanukkah and Holidays. Peace.

Alberts Takes Two Penalties, Leaves His Mark on Game, Darche's Face

There were many possible storylines that could have potentially shaped the Montreal Canadiens' 2-0 victory over the Vancouver Canucks on Tuesday.

For example, on the Canadiens' side of things, you had the fact that Montreal's $8-million-man Scott Gomez was mired in a slump and on pace for 18 points this season, or $444,444.44 per point, for all you math whizzes out there. So bad had it gotten that Maxim Lapierre was put on Gomez's line yesterday to help get him going, with head coach Jacques Martin clearly trying to employ the old "Do you want to turn out like him? Do you?" approach as a way of hitting home and sparking an epiphany of sorts deep within his oversized paper weight.

You also had the newly formed PhD line of Benoit Pouliot, Jeff Halpern, and Mathieu Darche, which was aptly named not only for the three members' initials but also because it takes a doctorate to understand just how the three have been able to develop scoring chemistry with one another when one member is a career minor-leaguer, another would be well on his way to becoming one were it not for the fact that there appears to be a shortage of lanky, lazy, and inconsistent scoring wingers in Montreal, and a third whose days of scoring at an other-wordly pace of 0.50 points per game are well behind him.

As for the Canucks, they were looking for their seventh-straight win, goalie Roberto Luongo was returning home, and head coach Alain Vigneault was in search of his 300th career win against the team that first hired him.

As it happens, Gomez didn't get a point, neither did Lapierre (big surprise on both fronts), the PhD line was held off the scoresheet for the second-straight game, thereby restoring some sense of normalcy to the line-up, the Canucks and Vigneault lost, and Luongo got outshone by former-Jaroslav Halak-understudy Carey Price. Did I leave anything out?

Oh, and it was the least likely of culprits, Canucks defenseman Andrew Alberts, that actually had the biggest impact on the game, making this hit on Darche and later taking another dumb penalty that allowed the Canadiens to actually leapfrog over the New Jersey Devils for the honour of not having the league's worst power play. That's right, the Habs now have scored an amazing four times on 51 opportunities to move ahead of the 3-for-46 Devils. Way to go Alberts. Is it too late to get Shane O'Brien back from the Nashville Predators?