A Day Later: the Robbery that Shocked the Hockey World...

Rest in Peace, Pat Burns (1952-2010)

By now, everyone has heard of the scum of the Earth that stole from Pat Burns’s widow after the hockey legend’s funeral on Monday. But now comes a genuinely classy gesture by the Montreal Canadiens, who have offered their support, with team spokesman Donald Beauchamp relaying that the Habs will help to raise funds for the arena being built in the Eastern Townships of Quebec that will bear his name.

Of course, the arena stands to benefit the welfare-addled border town of Stanstead, Quebec, but it also stands to serve as a long-lasting tribute to an eventual Hall-of-Famer. The 30 autographed jerseys that were stolen out of his widow Line’s car were meant to be sold at a charity auction, with the proceeds going towards the construction of the arena, slated to be completed in 2011. As such, not only did the low-lives steal from Burns but essentially from a good cause as well.

What’s really sad is no one should truly be surprised. Maybe at the stupidity of the act, but not at the indecency of it. After all the press the incident has received, these incompetent thieves, who evidently wouldn’t know right from wrong if they were driving a NASCAR race backwards, are now stuck with the jerseys without the ability to peddle them. No memorabilia store, reputable or not, will ever touch them, not just out the ethical obligation to call the police if they ever turned up, but because carrying them would risk ruining their reputations in turn.

So, now, these losers, who should have known this was going to happen after they made the conscious decision to rip off such a high-profile and well-respected family, are stuck with the jerseys and whatever else they stole. They also can’t do much else other than hide away the fruits of their labour in a closet until the day they die out of fear of someone they know and love seeing it all, being able to put two and two together, and realizing what big douches they are.

As for the day they die, not only can it not come soon enough, but when it does finally arrive, those jerseys will be discovered eventually, besmirching what one can expect are already somewhat ruined names. Because, let’s face it, if you steal from someone like Pat Burns on the day of his funeral, it likely isn’t the first time you’ve done something shady.

In any case, the fact that this went down in Montreal, a city that has earned a classless reputation in recent years for not being able to even win with grace, rioting if the Habs so much as score on the power play in the playoffs, puts that much more of a bitter taste in your mouth. No one expected this to happen, but now that it has you have to just groan and question your faith in humanity, especially if you’re a Montrealer, knowing how much Burns contributed to the franchise, earning a 174-104-42 record as the team’s head coach over four seasons.

As such, good on the Habs for doing what’s right. It’s a real shame that they have to, though. It’s a bigger shame that, as dumb as these criminals undoubtedly are, they’re probably smart enough not to be caught, brought to justice, and made an example of for all other hockey “fans” in the city to see.