Datsyuk Makes Justin Braun Wish He Was a Part of the Braun Family Business

Of course, Braun is now owned by Procter & Gamble and so San Jose Sharks defenseman Justin Braun couldn't go back to Germany and make razors even if he wanted to after being embarrassed by Detroit Red Wing Pavel Datsyuk last night. His actually being from Minnesota might also have something to do with that.

Then again, there's no shame in being beat by a wily veteran who tallied three points total (the goal and two assists) in Detroit's 5-3 win on Tuesday. For his part, Braun had an assist and now has three points (all helpers) in his three games with the Sharks. He may just very well end up being this year's Jason Demers (out with an upper-body injury), who was last year's Marc-Edouard Vlasic, who had done his best emulating the original one-year-wonder in San Jose, Matt Carle in 2006-2007, who is actually doing relatively well playing for the Philadelphia Flyers right now after a short-lived nightmare of a stint in Tampa Bay.

The lesson in all of this is this: Braun needs to get the hell out of San Jose as soon as possible, preferably on his way to Philadelphia, whose state of Pennsylvania coincidentally has a huge German population. The other lesson: Datsyuk eats rookie defensemen for breakfast.

Fleischmann Wants what Mauldin is Smoking

It didn’t take long for the Colorado Avalanche to try and make up for Chris Stewart’s stupidity-induced forced four-to-six-week vacation (link here). On Tuesday, the Avs sacrificed some of their blue-line depth for the greater good... although “good” is relative when talking about forward Tomas Fleischmann, whom they acquired from the Washington Capitals for Scott Hannan.

Fleischmann, who was the Capitals’ number-two center, had been a healthy scratch recently. It’s the second move in as many days for the Avs, who traded prospect Colby Cohen to the Boston Bruins for defenseman Matt Hunwick on Monday, thereby giving themselves the extra body needed in order to deal away Hannan, and potentially relegate Ryan O’Byrne to the press box where he belongs. At least that must be the master plan once regulars like Adam Foote (leg) and Kyle Cumiskey (concussion) get back to normal. Also injured for the Avs are Daniel Winnik (knee), T.J. Galiardi (wrist), Peter Mueller (concussion), and goalie Craig Anderson (groin).

"Kind of summarizes my season so far, don't you think?"

As such, aside from the perks like the huge salary, no one should really want head coach Joe Sacco’s job right now, trying to fit a bunch of square pegs into round holes and keep his team winning against all odds. The team’s forward lines now shape up like this:

Kevin Porter, Paul Stastny, Milan Hejduk

David Jones, Matt Duchene, Greg Mauldin

Cody McLeod, Ryan O’Reilly, Brandon Yip

David Koci, Philippe Dupuis, ?

Look for Porter to get demoted a few lines, maybe move to the other wing, and for Fleischmann, who also plays left-wing, to take his spot alongside Stastny. Porter has gone four games without a point, while Fleischmann is on pace for a 33-point season after scoring a career-high 51 last season. However, unless you’re in the porn industry, beggars for bodies can’t afford to be choosers and the Avs are so desperate the move today probably prevents them from having to coax Darcy “Chicken” Tucker out of retirement... and that’s something considering the amount of farmland and chickens ready for the, ahem, tucking around Denver.

Still, there’s little denying that Fleischmann had been the beneficiary of increased defensive focus on the Caps’ top line. With no real top line to speak of, it remains to be seen how this experiment will work out until Colorado’s injury concerns subside.

Of course, it could end up favouring the Avs, with the opposition due to get about as confused as Sacco regarding his new lines. I mean Greg Mauldin scoring four points in a game would throw anybody for a loop... including Mauldin, who’s probably on such a high right now that his lightheadedness has little at all to do with being in Denver (well, maybe something to do with all the pot in the city). All this taken into account, the benefits, if any, are due to be of the short-term variety, especially with Fleischmann slated to become an unrestricted free agent next summer. The trade is a band-aid on what is quickly becoming an epidemic in the Mile High City for a team that by all accounts should start to plummet in the other direction any day now.

Currently an eighth seed in the Western Conference, the Avs deserve credit for exceeding expectations for the second-straight season. However, all good things must come to an end, right? Just look at Fleischmann.

Crosby Has a Little Pronger in Him

Obviously at 6'6", 220 pounds, Philadelphia Flyers defenseman Chris Pronger is not a little anything, which makes one wonder just how he would fit in the diminutive Pittsburgh Penguins captain, who is just 5'11", 200. Still, bad and dirty jokes aside, there's little denying that Sidney Crosby did his best dirty-player impression last night, taking out Ryan Callahan of the New York Rangers with an undeniable slewfoot on Monday during the Penguins' 3-1 win.

No word yet on the length of suspension Callahan has coming his way for clearly getting in Crosby's way, but it will most likely be a long one.

Even 'No Way Jose' Can't Shut the Door on the Offensive Dynamo that Is the Calgary Flames... Shocker

If there was ever one team to help the Calgary Flames out of their most recent funk (one victory, in a shootout, in their last five games) during their season, the Minnesota Wild, blessed with the great goaltending of one Jose Theodore, was it.

To be honest, the 10-12-2 Flames' season thus far has really seemed like one big downward slope with a few forgettable peaks interspersed throughout, a little too coincidentally like Death Valley. In any case, two quick goals, by Jarome Iginla and Jay Bouwmeester, helped to pace the Flames to their victory, a 3-0 shutout by Miikka Kiprusoff over Minnesota on Monday. Alex Tanguay was the only Flame to earn points on each of the goals, which were scored 18 seconds apart, marking a new personal record for him. He previously could only play consistently well for spurts of five seconds at a time at most. Good for him.

The team record for the two fastest goals is actually four seconds, with Doug Gilmour and Paul Ranheim scoring four seconds apart (tying an NHL record) on October 17, 1989. Unfortunately for the Flames, after their Stanley Cup victory the spring before, it's been mostly downhill for the franchise overall, with a brief respite over the last few years, with the team becoming a legitimate contender only to miss their window of opportunity Thankfully for the Flames, Theodore seems to be servicing teams 24/7 through his, which has seen more customers than a Tim Hortons drive thru over the years.

Even the team's leading goal scorer, Cal Clutterbuck (I am not making this up, he has seven goals to lead the Wild), could not get anything going with one of his classic hard bodychecks.

Thankfully, the Wild get a chance to redeem themselves on Friday, at which point it's safe to assume the Flames will be mired in yet another losing streak.

Stewart Sacrifices His Body, a Lot of Brain Cells for Avalanche

"This is indeed as good as it gets for me."

It’s hard to pinpoint the exact moment in the fight on Saturday when the Colorado Avalanche’s Chris Stewart broke his hand on the Minnesota Wild’s Kyle Brodziak’s face, because, well, there are a lot of moments from which to choose. He really did do a number on Brodziak to the point that the latter may actually be considered good-looking now, but the fact remains as much aggression as Stewart was able to let out he’s still probably hitting himself right now in one way or another.

Stewart has yet to be confused for one of the game’s elite-level players, but the way his career was progressing there was a definite case to be made that eventually some ignorant, maybe half-racist hockey fan seeing him holding an equipment bag outside the Saddledome after an away game would mistake him for Jarome Iginla (for the record, Stewart is half-Jamaican and Iginla half-Nigerian). He’s actually following in Iginla’s footsteps more than anyone would care to admit considering Iginla is somewhat famous for his tilt with the Tampa Bay Lightning’s Vincent Lecavalier during the 2004 Stanley Cup Finals.

Stewart’s bout represents just the latest time this year that stars have opted to drop the gloves (although, all the offense in the world to him, Brodziak wouldn’t know what to do with such a label if it was handed to him, printed-out, laminated, with a safety pin already attached and step-by-step instructions how to stick it onto his shirt; he would probably just prick himself and pass out due to the blood loss).

Anyway, earlier this season, Pittsburgh Penguin Sidney Crosby fought Dallas Star Matt NIskanen, and before that Detroit Red Wing Pavel Datsyuk fought Anaheim Duck Corey Perry. New Jersey Devil Ilya Kovalchuk also dropped the gloves, against Washington Capital Mike Green, but that hardly counts seeing as Kovy just mistook Green for his oversized paycheque that was trying to get away.

I’ve never really subscribed to staged fights and the need some players may feel to give fans a show. I don’t see how fighting, a legitimate way to unleash some built-up fury on an opponent taking cheap shots on your or a teammate, has been perverted to the point that some players are able to make a living based solely on how well they risk their bodies in order to try to shift momentum in a game as well as their ability to goad more valuable players into taking five-minute penalties.

As such, to see Stewart square off against a lesser player, when his team was leading no less, doesn’t really speak to his leadership abilities, but more so to his lack of intelligence. While Stewart may have had this injury coming to him, Colorado fans definitely do not deserve to see their team’s leading goal-scorer go down with an easily preventable injury. Stewart makes his living with his hands and the risks in such a situation definitely outweigh the one potential benefit: proving he was better than his opponent. Newfslash: Everyone already knew it. Now, after the fact, we’re not so sure, but, heading in, definitely. In fact, unless you’re any one of the other some 700 players in the league not on Brodziak’s team of plugs, chances are good that you’re better than him. So says studies done on the subject, anyway.

Hopefully Stewart’s hand heals correctly, all that will be lost will be a month or two of playing time, and he learns his lesson: not necessarily that he’s paid to score, but that fighting just for the sake of fighting is a pointless exercise best left to the guys whose jobs actually depend on it. If he continues down this road, he may just end up in that latter group.

"Damn. Missed the helmet."

Stewart has actually been in 15 regular-season fights, so he’s not new to the experience of sacrificing his body for his teammates, the feel of fist on the flesh of a Kyle Brodziak... hell, he may even like it, but, if he has his sights on continuing to be the star he’s been this year and last, he’ll find that true sacrifice comes in the form of holding back for his team and sticking to what he does best. He fights well, but he’s a better player. Last time I checked, few people use the word “player” to describe enforcer/tough-guy/monster Derek Boogaard... Fewer still to describe Brodziak, but that’s admittedly maybe because so few actually know who he is.

Does Anybody Else Think Ondrej Pavelec Came out of the Hospital a Bionic Man?

Considering Atlanta Thrashers goalie Ondrej Pavelec suffered that strange fainting spell just a few minutes into the season, it's hard to put together a worthwhile before-and-after comparison between his quality of play right now and in the lead-up to what one can only described as one of the most bizarre incidents to ever take place during a hockey game. However, we all do know that he played reasonably well last year in posting a save percentage of .906, in finally giving the team the chance to rid itself of its overextended ties to the often-overweight Kari Lehtonen.

This year, Pavelec not only has a .949 save percentage (you read that right, but funny enough that's only good enough for third-best in the league in what is shaping up to be the year of the goalie), but also a 1.62 goals-against average, which is half of what his GAA was as recently as last year. Indeed, playing goal for the Thrashers has traditionally claimed the self-esteems of even the cockiest goalies out there, meaning not even P.K. Subban's brother, Malcolm, a goalie in the OHL, would be safe... just putting it out there.

So, taking all that into account, what Pavelec has been able to accomplish this year, essentially streamlining at warp speed even the most optimistic of forecasts regarding his career's outlook (the team did sign Chris Mason for a reason), has been nothing short of incredible. It's all the more incredible considering he may just consider himself to be lucky to be alive at this point.

Oh, and he's making just $850,000 this year, so any actual Six-Million-Dollar-Man references would be  inaccurate... although just a tad premature considering the way he's playing right now has him down that road eventually.

Big Buff's Big Night against the Less-Big, Bad Bruins

It's not often that I'm wrong (or at least it's not often that I admit I'm wrong), but in this case it's clear that when the decision was made to move Dustin Byfuglien seemingly permanently to defense the Atlanta Thrashers knew what they were doing. At the time it was clear to me that after he scored 16 points in 16 games in the playoffs last year, starting with the series against the Vancouver Canucks, he was made to be a power forward. Clearly he's much more versatile than anyone outside the Thrashers was willing to admit. 

While proof to that effect has come all season-long (25 points in 24 games to lead all defensemen, including nine goals (also first) and five game-winners to lead the entire league), the exclamation point on his case for league-wide respect and superstar status came on Sunday night when he netted one goal and three assists for a season-high four-point game. It wasn't a new career-high, but it did tie his current one, as he had two goals and two assists in a game in 2008-2009 as a Chicago Blackhawks against the Minnesota Wild. The season before, he had a hat trick and one helper against the Phoenix Coyotes one game, as well.

It's getting to the point where anybody who ever doubted him is in turn doubting their own judgment, because it's there's no way around admitting that this guy, given the ice time, can put up big numbers. From a personal standpoint, he's singlehandedly forced me to do a lot of soul searching. Of course, I found none to speak of, but can still give credit where credit is due. I don't think he will ever win the Norris Trophy, for the same reason that Washington Capitals defenseman Mike Green won't, but never before could people speak of the two in the same sentence without giggling uncontrollably. Of course, the fact that people call him Buffy maybe contributed to that, which is another good sign. Tough as she may be, no one wants a nickname based on a female television character. Big Buff suits him better.